Reflecting on the past 12 hours I can say that it has been some of the best of my lifetime. See….I started a nonprofit years ago with an amazing friend. We have had conferences and women’s gatherings and they have been life changing but today was different.
I started the day feeling like I was going to throw up my guts thinking abut speaking to 300 men and women. Then this incredible pastor spoke this morning who knew as much about the Bible as my husband which is hard to do. All I could think about while he was talking was that I had ONE Bible verse and some props which had started to feel silly and childish.
I told my friend that I had no business speaking after these really spiritual individuals had just shared the heart of Jesus. YUCK. I felt all my insecurities coming to the surface and then my friend simply told me to get over myself. HUH. I took those words to heart and it was if God was saying, “GAME ON.”
I decided to just be me and try not to cuss. Pretty simple except the cussing part. I almost said badass in the breakout session in the morning. Oh well.
So I shared about passion and loving people and I felt God’s power all over me. I was in the zone and shared from the deepest place in my heart. I could have talked all day. 40 minutes felt like just the beginning. I was real and transparent and JUST ME. And imagine this- it was enough.
I had not shared like this since the conference last January. Today I found my voice again…..and it was beautiful. I had women come up to me and tell me I was their people. Except for a few very close friends, I never hear “you are my people.” It was humbling and empowering. To be seen and heard and to have started the day wanting to quit and finish the day feeling like God had done something incredibly powerful.
I am leaving a different person. One who has fought through insecurities and doubt this morning and feels like a new person tonight.
I am thankful for friends- new and old- who never give up on me and let me be a hot mess and think it is beautiful.